No One Told Washington the Sixties Were Over (thank God)

We were riding in a car with a lady named Jessie, who we’d met in a lavender farm. Soon enough it became apparent that we had no place to go.

“I’m going over to another Kevin’s house,” she said. “He has plenty of places to stay. You could stay on the Loser Bench, or the Magic Van. Actually I think Betsy and Humphrey are still in there. Betsy’s a mannequin.”

Humphrey went unexplained.

“That sounds terrifying,” said (my) Kevin.

“Yes. These are the actual names, by the way. If you think I’m kidding I’m not. He’s got a bunch of vans, I’m sure you can stay in one.”

We drove up a long driveway of what looked like an enormous property. Jessie left us in a yard where we waited outside, absolutely delighted by what we were seeing.

We were in a giant junk yard, out of which sprouted various forms of rusty-metal art. Betsy the Terrifying Mannequin was standing near Humphrey the Horse (also plastic.) Flowers made of tin were there, and six or seven motorcycles.  A kind of knight had been made of a gas mask and various bits of industrial waste.

“Michaela, when you write your blog post about this, remember to say that the song “Crazy on You” was playing when we got here,” said Kevin.

Done.

Eventually Kevin emerged, a tall man with a soothing, hippy voice, accompanied by a chiuhaha with sharp, yapping one.

“The poor thing’s got flees on her bum,” said the Other Kevin. “She keeps biting at ’em.”

We introduced ourselves.

“Where do you think would be a good place for them to sleep?” asked Jessie.

“Well you could stay on the Loser Bench–”

“Well what about the Peach Stand?” said Jessie.

“That’s not my property,” said the Other Kevin. “Oh, what about the Pineapple! They could stay in the Pineapple!”

“The Pineapple is too small,” said Jessie. “What about the Hippy Van?”

“Hippie van’s full of hippy shit,” said the Other Kevin. “From the festival.”

An idea seemed to strike him. “How about Mossy Rock?”

“Ooooooh!” said Jessie. “You’d like Mossy Rock!”

“It’s beautiful there, we used to light bonfires before the dry spell hit,” said Other Kevin. “Come on, hop in the truck and we’ll take you there.”

They then drove us to the top of a hill, one covered with the beautiful madrona trees with their red peeling bark, and golden, green mosses.

“You can stay in one of the vans up here,” said Other Kevin, pointed to a hippy van that had Class of ’81 painted on the side. “Just clean it out, there’s lots of foam in there to sleep on.”

After they left we thanked our good luck again for getting us a place to stay better than money could ever buy. It was a gorgeous spot, and I took a minute to take photos of the beautiful mosses and treebarks.

We went to clean out the van before I found a spider egg and then a petrified mouse.

“Where’s it’s head?” said Kevin.

“Okay, I’m done,” I said. “Let’s sleep outside.”

We’d just set up camp and were reading aloud to each other out of Lonesome Dove when Kevin heard a noise:

“Do you hear that?” he asked me.

A quiet rumbling was close by and growing louder, sputtering like an old motor. In a minute Kevin and Jessie had driven back in a small motor vehicle of some kind.

“I wanted to bring you some goodies!” Jessie said, handing us a bag containing power bars, oreos and toiletries. “That’s some lavender spritz so you can bathe yourself, and those are some of those organic Paul Newman oreos–”

“Paul Newman’s a righteous dude,” concurred Other Kevin.

“And here’s some balm for any boo boos you get on the trip. Oh, and here’s some tie dye shirts we were selling at the festival,” she said, handing me some shirts with 50 cent pricetags still attached.

“Let us know if you need anything,” said Other Kevin. “You’re doing a great thing. You’re making memories for all your life.”

“Let me give you a hug!” said Jessie, hugging Kevin and then me. “You wonderful hobo children! You should stay here! We’ll adopt you!”

Other Kevin tried to restart the car but it sputtered.

“Watch this, you’ll think I’m a magician,” he said. He dug a rock out of the ground and tapped the engine, and it immediately started once more. “You know how to get back?” said Other Kevin as they rumbled away.

“Oh don’t worry about them,” said Jessie. “They probably left breadcrumbs.”